I thought you felt the same way.
When we held each other, I prayed you would stay.
I loved the way you looked at me.
I guess it just wasn't meant to be.

I thought you loved me undesirably.
Didn't you know you were my everything?
You were all I thought about.
In my mind, there was no doubt.

Now I see you are not in love.
It wasn't something from above.
You are with her now and you are happy.
I am the one who's mopey and sappy.

That is ok though because if I had to pick the one to suffer
I am glad it was me. I love you more than ever.
My love for you will never go away.
But to tell you that I would never say.

It is so hard to let you go.
However, it is now time to move on slow.
Therefore, this is my goodbye.
My darling, my love, my only one.
This is the last time I will cry.

I LOVE YOU

Those word open my thoghts, my heart, and my soul.
Those word fill my head, the books and the holes.
That continued to grow with every mistake i have made.
Every single person that i have lost.
Left me with a debt that my mind could not pay, so my heart had to pay the cost.

I LOVE YOU

Those words are my gift, my nepenthe, and my pain.
Those words make me happy, make me crazy, and make me sane.
Those words open my thoughts to happiness and sorrow.
The joy of being with you today and fear of losing you tomorrow.

I LOVE YOU

Those words open my heart up to you.
To show you how i feel about everything you do.
Those words open my soul and everything inside.
All the feelings that i have and all the pain that i hide.

I LOVE YOU

Those words are my gift to you from me.
To bring you lots of joy and make you happy.
Those words are my nepenthe for my past memories.
They bring my mind to rest and it slowly starts to ease.

I LOVE YOU

Those words are my pain that slowly eats away.
At my mind, soul, and makes then it starts to rot and decay.
Those words fill my head with happy thoughts of us.
All the romantic memories and times of love struck lust.

I LOVE YOU

Those words fill this screen from the start till the end.
It shows every page, how much i tried to tend.
And those are the words that fill the hole.

I LOVE YOU

Those words make me happy deep within my heart.
When you say them to me, my body starts to warm.
Those words make me crazy when i know not what to think.
All my thoughts to spin, and my sound mind starts to sink.

I LOVE YOU

Those words make me sane when my thoughts are crystal clear.
Now i know what to say,
as i whisper soflty in your ear,
I love you.

The wanting more from me is tearing me.
It is breaking me.
You are all the same.
You tried to break me down.
However, what you want is not mine to give.
What you are done with me, i am spent.
When everything is gone, 
I have to face what i have to become.
I am trying to hold on but,
I have lost the will to fight back, what i can.

Take me far away.
Far away from this shattered life.
How can i go on pretending that there is nothing wrong?
Life has brought me to my knees.
The mask that i hide behind is killing me.
There is nothing left i can say.
Is there even anyone who feels like me?
I used to be, are all that is left of who i am.
A shattered mass of all my countless broken dreams.
I wonder where to go from here.

I am stuck on this road.
And life just keeps passing me by.
What can i do to get beyond this tall walls in my life?
I am sentenced to a tortuous life,
A prisoner in mind.
With my total insanity, searching for peace, 
I wanna believe that i am here for something.
More, more than just taking up space in my memories.
I feel that the world is closing on me.
Why would i live, without healing and with sufferings?

51.FAVOURITE MOVIE?
Alot...have you got all night?

52.FAVOURITE ARTIST-WRITER?
right..again, i'm gonna pretend what the blody hell that means..i think it would be, 3 doors down.

53.FAVOURITE ACTOR?
Ben stiller...funny guy.

54.FAVOURITE ACTRESS?
Nil..

55.FAVOURITE RECORD?
too many la!...if i gota name somthing than it would be, evanescence.

56.FAVOURITE SINGER?
Chris daughtry..

57.FAVOURITE BAND?
3 doors down.

58.FAVOURITE LYRICS?
3  doors down.

59.FAVOURITE TV-SHOW?
Desperate housewives, grey's anatomy, Friends..many morrre.

60.FAVOURITE NEWSPAPERS?
Straits times...Very informative.

61.FAVOURITE MAGAZINE?
currently..Teenage.

62.FAVOURITE FLOWER?
Rose.

63.FAVOURITE ANIMAL?
Bird.

64.FAVOURITE COUNTRY?
England.

65.FAVOURITE STREET(IN YOUR COUNTRY)?
Sembawang road..You can just run across the road like no one's business...coz there's no traffic.

66.FAVOURITE STREET(OVERSEAS)?
Nil..

67.FAVOURITE SPORT?
Swimming...though i'm scared of drowning.

68.SCARIEST MOVIE?
JU ON!!!!..it scared the SHIT out of me..i couldn't sleep.AT aLL

69.FUNNIEST MOVIE?
mr.bean's holiday,

70.FAVOURITE LEISURE ACTIVITY?
being a couch potato...its like you're in heaven..

71.FAVOURITE PUBLIC TRANSPORT?
It gotta be the MRT.

72.FAVOURITE WEATHER?
sunny day, with a nice cool wind, no humidity, and the brightness of the sun doesn't pierce my eyes..[how i wish].

73.DREAM HONEYMOON DESTINATION?
any beach resort with white sandy beaches, crystal clear blue water. pool in my room, the most amazing, water bed, service and food.

74.COMPUTER YOU USE?
acer.

75.WALLPAPER ON YOUR COMPUTER?
spider webs..i love them.

26.MOST WORN-PAIR OF SHOES?
flip-flops..love them to bits..

27.FAVOURITE SHAMPOO?
Sunsilk

28.FAVOURITE CONDITIONER?
sunsilk conditioner..lie duhhs.

29.FAVOURITE BATH PRODUCT?
palmolive

30.FAVOURITE FACIAL PRODUCT?
any facial cleaner as long as it takes off the oil and grim off.

31.FAVOURITE COSMETICS?
MAC.i like!

32.FAVOURITE ART MOVEMENT?
Ok right..i'm gonna pretend to understand this question and say the lord of the rings movement.

33.FAVOURITE ARTIST?
Ermm..you mean singer?? is gotta be bono from U2.

34.FAVOURITE GALLERY?
i don't know.seriously

35.FAVOURITE COLD DRINK?
Coke..though i know that it is bad for the body..the female body.

36.FAVOURITE HOT DRINK?
Milo and tea

37.FAVOURITE FLAVOUR OF ICE-CREAM?
Vanilaaa-babee..and chocolatee.

38.FAVOURITE CUISINE?
i'm an indian..i lourrve my indian food.

39.FAVOURITE SANDWICH?
Subway's

40.FAVOURITE CAKE?
is there even a doubt?..its chocolate and vanila.

41.FAVORITE CHOCOLATE?
roast almonds...i lourrvve chocolatee.
.
42.FAVOURITE FAST-FOOD?
Burger king..big..juicy burgers...okay that sounded wrong.

43.FAVOURITE SUSHI?
I hate sushi.

44.FAVOURITE BREAKFAST?
Prata, and french toast.

45.SPAGHETTI-TOMATO, CREAM OR PESTO SAUCE?
what is pesto sauce?i think i like cream.

46.BEEF-RARE, MEDIUM RARE, MEDIUM OR WELL DONE?
Medium well.thank you..if you see blood on my steak..i might just faint or worse, i might just projectile vomit on the person sitting across me.

47.RESTAURANT YOU MOST FREQUENT?
Heheh..i think its coffeshop..not to restaurant.

48.BEST DINING EXPERIENCE?
Nil.

49.WORST DINING EXPERIENCE?
I dropped a bowl of mee...its embarrasing ok.

50.FAVOURITE BOOK?
Books that are written by Erin Mccarthy.

!. BIRTHDATE?
12 October 1993

2.PLACE OF BIRTH?
Singapooore

3.BLOOD-TYPE?
O+...I like to spread my essence to everyone..will you get the filthy mind of your gutter...you deeees-gusting imbecile..sheeesh!!

4.HEIGHT?
164cm
.
5.WEIGHT?
50kg..i need to lose wieght.I'm not fat la.my bones are HEAVYY.

6.SHOE SIZE?
i don't know.It ranges from 6 to 8.If the right one fits then it does.

7.WORK? STUDY?
Studying...at northland secondary schoool..

8.CHILDHOOD NICKNAME?
Nish kush..Hehehe..my cousins started calling me that...

9.AVERAGE HOURS YOU SLEEP IN A DAY?
6 to 7 i guess..i'm not bothered how long i sleep.seriously.

10.TIME YOU GO TO BED?
11 plus plus??

11.ANY SIBILINGS?
Yeap..only one elder brother...chetta..meaning elder brother.Name's Alvin.

12.EYESIGHT?
I have no purrrfect eyesight..i'm shortsighted actually.

13.WHAT LANGUAGES DO YOU SPEAK?
English, Tamil, Malayalam, Mandrin.

14.WHAT LANGUAGES WOULD YOU LIKE TO SPEAK?
Malay, french and german.

15.NICKNAME ON MESSENGER?
All i can do is smile, i knew you moved on, i still smile when i think of you missing me.

16.WHAT DO YOU COLLECT?
Errmm..memories...

17.MODEL OF HANDPHONE YOU ARE USING?
panasonic.

18.WHAT IS ON YOUR SHOPPING LIST?
Books, and shoes..really.

19.FAVOURITE T-SHIRT BRAND?
i don't care about the brand..but as loong as it is comfortable and presentable enough for me.

20.FAVOURITE CUT OF JEANS?
Strrrraighttt..Strraightt.strrrrraighht

21.FAVOURITE FASHION DESIGNER?
I don't know..

22.FAVOURITE CLOTHING LABEL?
ERmm..i don't know.i'll tell ya when i've got shit loads of money to spend...for now,whatever is nice, and i'll buy it as loong as it doesn't cost a bomb.

23.FAVOURITE SHOE LABEL?
Anything.

24.FAVOURITE BAG LABEL?
please refer to question 22...thank you.

25.MOST DOMINANT COLOUR IN YOU WARDROBE?
black..i lourvve the colur black..but i'm not gothic.

When the first time i saw you,
I knew that i felt something about you.
A good feeling that i have never felt before.
Something I know I never feel.
You never failed to make me smile.
No matter how much i fight with you,
There were just so much to say,
even now and further.
But I will never get a chance to say it.


Though a part of what i said is,
nothing compared to what i feel inside.
Everywhere i go, memories flow in.
Every minute, I cover it up so well.
All i can do, is smile.
I tried too hard.
I see you don't even try now.
I knew you moved on.

I think of all the places and talks,
I still smile when i think of you missing me.
You were never without me.
I could never hate you.
Its just sad that I will never be able to show it.
If only you knew,
I'm sorry that i took you for granted.
i just wish that I could make things better, 
But you ignored me.
What actually hurt me the most was just,
watching you walking away from me,
ignorantly and rejectedly.
There were just so much to say.

the reason why i wrote in green is because hiss favourite colour is green.
I just have alot of memories to list down.
HaISS**

V>>>
Y'all knw who am i talking about right??
He is still wearing the ring.
When i ask him to wear, he won't wear.
But when i didn't even ask him to wear it,
he wore it.
SIgHS**
I just don't know what to do.
Its so obvious to me that he's wearing it.
he wants me to know that he's wearing it.
..Oh yes..did i tell y'all that he "accidentaly"
Sent a message to my friend, Shanu., saying that
he wants to patch up with her?
He actually sent it to the wrong person, purposely.
Its okay if you don't understand what am i trying to tell.
Just read on.

Todayy, in my school
we had a garage sale.
So pathetic, i can tell you.
All the tihngs were like shit.!
I didn't buy anything from the garage sales.
Sooo EX man.
Small like really really small things cost like about $3 buckaroooos.!!
V>>He stole for me a soft toy bear.
I didn't accept it.
as i don't like soft toys.
Ya know, i just think that its a waste of time, keeping it
and collecting dust and shits in your showcase or whatever.
Waste of bucks, ya know.
Yes, i do find them cute.But i don't like to keep them you know.

I am just stck at this moment of my life man.
I just got alot of problems.
I am broke.
Friends.Teachers.Responsibilities..
HAISS**
I feel like just jumping down from a building
and fly down till i die.
At least i get to fly, my desire of my dreams.
Hehehehehehe..
I just hope i can achieve what i can.

Now the problem.
I just had enough of him.I mean my-ex.
He's so irritating, like seriously.
I thought i could patch up.
But no, its seems like time changed everything...EVERYTHING.
I still remember his words that he had said to me.

" i will make sure that you are my first and my last. "

" You will always be in my heart. "

" I will love you forever. "

" I won't have any girlfriends except you. "

"I keep to my words."

These 4 verses which i will never forget..NEVER
They are NOT true.Its MEANINGLESS.
So girls, i should tell myself that guys words are like never true..
they just try to get them pierced through their hearts..
getting blown away by them,,No please.I do not want to.

I'm already sick of it. AAccKk!!!

No, i'm not saying that he has another girlfriend..
Its just that another girl likes him.
And he said that he doesn't want to break her heart.
He wants to be single.
When i asked him, if he still loves me, he said that its in between a yes and a no..
And then i was like what the fuck.I mean, actually i still love him,
And oh right,! the ring that i presened him on his birthday, he hasn't thrown it away right?
when i asked, like a few days ago, 
whether has he thrown the ring away, 
he was shocked.He had no answer.And then he took a loooong time to answer me a NO..

I mean he still loves me.Its so obvious.
I feel as if i am living in hell.
'M like burning up to a 100 degrees right now.
He just doesn't want to tell me.I mean why? just why??

Wokayy..And then i chatted with him on msn the other day.
He said, 
"i love you.I can't go on with you right now.But i will wait for you."
...Okayy this is like wayy to much.He's just saying it too soon..isn't he?

But anyway, He can dream and fly his kites if he think that i will patch up.
I just got nothing else to say.
He's a kick ass boyfriend that i evr had.
I promised myself and to my dear God that i remain single till muah o-levels..

YAY-ness!! HEHE ;)

Hope i keep to my words.

"Fingers, toes, hands, legs crossed!"

Heeheheheeh!! [[I'm in my own world.]]

A few days ago, i think its about two days ago, i dreamed that i had a fiance.i am serious.
I still remember his appearence.He was muscular, fair complexion, [of cause] handsome, big size.
Really.He was very loving to me.He buys me things that i want.

And oh ya, i forgot something!, he's PUNJABI!!!.hahaha. And i still remember his name, his name is Sanjay.When i told my friends about this dream, they were laughing their asses off. 
i was like whatever.haha.And one more, i mean i had another dream.I dreamed it last week.
I still remember the dream coz it was darn pathetic!..I dreamed that a crocodile attacked me.ahaha.ok.nvm.



Last week,i broke up with my boyfriend.
His name is, ok i dun wanna mention his name but his name starts with a V.
He is the same age as me.The reason i broke up with him is because, he said that i did something really bad.
He said that one of my closest friend told him about it.
But when i asked him what did i do wrong, he doesn't want to tell me.
So, i was so irritated.Coz he's always like that.He doesn't tell me things which are important for me to know.
I just hate that when he does that.

I gave him a ring on his birthday, with his name engraved on the outside and my name on the inside. 
Now that i broken up wit him, a few days later he told my friend that the 'thing' that i did was actually not true.
i was like what the fuck.
I mean, the girl who told him about me must be fucking sick!.She made us broke up.I was boiling.
Now, he still hasn't throw the ring away yet, 
coz i actually asked him to on the day that i broke up with me.

But now its so obvious that he still loves me.
he told my friend that he wants to patch up with me.
But he ahven't asked me yet.i'm waiting!i still love him though.

Hello guys!!..My name is nisha..just started a new blog...well..see how it goes.i am the type of person who is lazy to type.but anyway..its oki..i'll try my best to post an entry every two days or so.so ya..if anyone of y'all who want to add me in msn..u can add me at killergal_nishi@hotmail.com. So i think that's about it.short and sweet.hehee.;P..adious!!